Nobody said that being a good father was easy. No matter how old your child is and no matter how many children you have, you will need to know that a father can never do too much.
To be a good father, you must be present, know how to impose discipline and lead by example, while understanding the needs of your child without spoiling him.
Take time for your children
For your children, it does not matter if you just got a big promotion at work or bought the most expensive house on the street. What matters to your children is that you are at home for dinner, that you take them to a football game on Sunday, and that you are there to watch a movie with them once in a week.
To be a good father, you will have to take each day or at least every week, time for your children, no matter how busy you are.
- Write down this time in your diary. Perhaps you could spend Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday nights with your children. Make sure to free yourself those nights and do not cancel those nights with your kids for other commitments.
- If you have more than one child, you will also need to take the time to spend time alone with each child, so that your individual relationships with each one of them can grow.
- If you are so tired that you can not get up to go play basketball with your son, replace this activity with another, such as watching a basketball game with him or a movie about basketball. The most important thing is that you are present.
Be there at important events in your children’s lives
If spending time each week with your children is a good way to strengthen your relationship with them, you should also try to be there for the important events of their lives.
Arrange your schedule so that you can be there for your son’s first day of school, your daughter’s dance performance, or your child’s graduation.
- Your children will remember these events for the rest of their lives and your presence will be a lot to them.
- You could be very busy during the period of these events, but if you miss them you will regret it later.
Teach the important lessons of life to your children
You will also teach your children to do the basic tasks of life. Help your son use the toilet, teach your children to brush their teeth properly, help them learn to ride a bike, and teach them to drive once when the time comes.
You could also teach your sons to shave and take care of themselves. Your children will need you to learn the important lessons of life, as well as to carry out small daily tasks.
- Share these lessons with your wife. You should both teach your children the things they need to know to grow.
- Help your children learn from their mistakes. If your children have done something wrong, help them understand their mistake and teach them how to avoid this behavior in the future, instead of simply punishing them and moving on
It is very important that you are present at important moments in the life of your children and it is also very important that you are able to communicate with your children when you are present.
You do not have to do anything incredible for your children to enjoy the time you spend with them, you just have to make sure you are able to communicate with them to understand their concerns and difficulties.
- Make sure you hear from your children every day, so they know what’s wrong with you, what’s on the week, and what they have in mind.
- Do not ask them superficially ” And how was your day?” “ Without really listen to their answers.
- If your children are teenagers or very busy students, they might not want to discuss the details of their days with you. Just make sure you get back to them often enough to let them know that you care about them without feeling busy.
Organize outings with your children
To be a good father, you will need to take time out with your children, with or without their mother.
You could take your sons fishing once a year, take your daughter to the beach or even organize a camping trip that your children will never forget.
Whatever you do, make these outings special, memorable events that you can reiterate once a year so that these moments between father and children become a tradition.
- If the children’s mother is present during these outings, make sure to spend time alone with your children.
- By organizing these outings several months in advance, your children will look forward to them with excitement.
Take time for yourself
If it’s important to be there for your children, you should also try to make time for yourself when you can, whether it’s spending Sunday afternoon doing what you love, take half an hour every morning to go running or dive into a good book in the evening before going to bed.
You should put the interest of your children most of the time , without neglecting completely.
- If you do not take time for yourself, you will not be able to relax, rejuvenate and give your children the attention and time they deserve.
- You may have a room or chair in which your children will know they should not disturb you. Help them get used to the idea of “time for themselves” and explain to them that you want to be alone for a moment unless of course they really need you.
Being a Fair Disciplinarian
Reward your children appropriately
To discipline a child, it is not enough to punish him when he makes a mistake. It must also be rewarded for doing something good to encourage good behavior.
Whether your child got a good grade, helped his little brother do something or was mature enough to get away from a fight, you’ll have to tell him you’re proud of him, take him to eat in his favorite restaurant or do your best to make him understand that you appreciate his behavior.
Punish your child appropriately
To be severe, but fair, you will have to punish your child when he made a mistake.
This does not mean that you should be physically or emotionally abusive, it simply means that you will have to make your child understand that he has done wrong and show him the consequences of his actions.
Once your child is old enough to reason, he must be able to understand when he has made a mistake.
- Be sure to agree with your wife on the punishments to be applied to children. The consequences should be the same, whether Papa or Mom is a witness of stupidity. You will avoid the “bad cop / good cop” mode.
Being consistent is just as important as establishing a system of punishments and rewards.
If your child behaves badly, the consequences should be the same every time, even if you are in public or tired.
And if your child does something good, do not forget to congratulate him, even if you are exhausted or stressed.
- If your behaviors are inconsistent, your children will know that they are influenced by your moods.
Do not scream
Even if the behavior of your child puts you out of your way, shouting is not a solution.
If you have to scream, scream when you’re alone, in the shower or in a pillow. But do not shout at your children, even if you are out of you.
You can raise the tone slightly to indicate that they made a mistake, but if you start screaming, your children will be afraid of you and will not want to communicate with you.
- Even if it is difficult, avoid at all costs to let your children see you lose control.
Do not be violent
It does not matter how angry you are, do not hit, do not hurt and do not grab your children violently. You would hurt them physically and emotionally and they will want to avoid you at all costs.
If your children are afraid that you will be violent, they will shut up and will not want to spend time with you.
To earn the respect of your children, you must avoid being violent in their presence and in the presence of their mother.
Give a good example
Lead by example
To set a good example, you will need to apply the mantra ” do what I do and what I say” so that your children know that you are not hypocritical when you teach them to differentiate right from wrong.
If you want your children to behave as you hope, they will need to be able to model you. Here are several ways to set a good example:
- If you do not want your children to smoke or drink a lot of alcohol, you should not do these things in front of them or not at all.
- If you want your children to treat others with respect and kindness, they will have to see you treat others, from the telephone salesperson to the waiter in the restaurant, with respect.
- If you want your children not to fight, then do not argue with their mother in front of them.
Treat the mother of your children with respect
To be a good example, you should treat the mother of your children with respect.
If the mother of your children is your wife, you will need to show them how much you love her, help her, and spend time with her
- Treating the mother of your children with respect means, among other things, helping with housework and helping her take care of the children.
- Show your children that you admire their mother and give her the love and affection she deserves.
- You will not only treat the mother of your children with respect but also love her and work to maintain a loving, fun and nourishing relationship. If the children see their mother happy, they will be happy themselves.
- If you are divorced from the mother of your children, never tell them anything bad about your ex-wife, even if you are not on very good terms with her. If your children witness your bad relationship with their mother, they will be stressed and confused.
Admit your mistakes
You do not have to be perfect to be a good example. In fact, it is even better that you are not perfect: your children will see that nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.
If you have made a mistake, such as forgetting to pick up your child at school at the right time or losing your temper, apologize and say that you are aware of having made a mistake.
- If you are able to swallow your pride in front of your children, they will see that they too can admit their mistakes.
- By admitting your mistakes, you will teach your children a more important lesson than making mistakes.
Help with housework
If you want your children to be involved in household chores, you will have to do the same, even if your job takes up all your time.
Show your children that you are doing the dishes, cleaning the table and vacuuming and they will also want to help. If your children think that the household is their mother’s assignment, they will not want to participate in housework when they are old enough for it.
- Participating in housework will help your wife and allow your children to understand that you and your wife are working as a team and that they too should be involved.
Earn the respect of your children
Respect is not given, it is earned and you should do everything you can to make your children respect you as a father.
If you are not often present, if you shout at their mother or if you are not often in the mood to teach them a lesson, they will not respect you for the simple reason that you are their father.
You will have to behave admirably, honestly and consistently, so that your children know that you are a good father and have every reason to admire you.
Accept that your children are different from you
You may have hoped that your children will take over the family business, study at the same school or football fans as you are.
You may think that only you know the path to happiness, but to be a good father, you will have to accept that your children have a different idea of how they should live their lives.
- Accepting the wishes of your children may take time. If you do not immediately understand why your son wants to become an artist while you’re a doctor, ask him to explain it to you and take the time to listen and understand it.
- Let your children make their own decisions by letting them be independent and open-minded. You might want them to play basketball, but register them for various activities and let them choose what they prefer.
Be aware of the changes
To be a good father, you will need to understand that your children are not growing up in the same environment that you grew up in.
With globalization, the influence of social networks and political changes in today’s society, your children are probably less brooded than you were and are aware of the problems and changes in the world.
- To do this, be aware that things like body piercings, pre-wedding sex and traveling around the world are very common today, much more so than when you were younger. Accept that your children are the fruit of their time and want to explore the world more than you want at their age.
- You may think you know exactly how the world should work, but you will have to let your children express themselves and share their views with you.
Accept the mistakes of your children
To be an understanding father, you will have to accept the fact that, like you, your children are not perfect and will inevitably make mistakes.
These mistakes will help your children grow up and you will have to accept that this process is necessary, that your son has a slight car accident, misses an exam because he did not study or sort with unsavory girls.
- If you do not let your children make mistakes from time to time, they will not learn anything. You may want to protect them, but by letting them make their own mistakes, you will allow them to make better-informed decisions.
- You will still need to discipline your children appropriately when making mistakes, but you will also need to discuss their mistakes with them and make them understand their mistakes instead of just getting angry.
Understand when your children have difficulties
To be a good father, you will need to recognize when your children have difficulties and be attentive to their needs.
Your little boy may be struggling to get into school because you have just moved to a new city where he has no friends or maybe your daughter is going through his first breakup in love and is emotionally fragile.
- Although you can not completely excuse the distant or emotional behavior of your children, you should be aware of what is going on in their minds so that they can be understanding and talk to them when they are having a hard time.
- The simple act of saying, ” I know you’re going through a difficult time. Do you want to talk about it? Will help your children understand that you care about them.
- Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes. If you are frustrated, understanding your child’s situation will help you understand his behavior.
Realize that a father’s job is never finished
Do not think that once your children turn 18 or graduate, your mission will end.
While it is important to encourage your children to become financially and emotionally independent, it is also important to make them understand that you care about them and will always be there for them.