How to open to others if we are terribly shy


Sometimes we are worried about opening ourselves up. After all, it is an act of bravery to confide in others. However, people who are very shy are often very complex and frequently have negative ideas about themselves.


In this state of lack of confidence, it is more painful to open oneself to others. However, with the patience and willingness to change, you can learn to open yourself.


Establish trust

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Discover your value.


Look deep inside and identify the things you love most about yourself. You may be a caring, understanding and well-educated person. Imagine how bad it would be if others do not manage to enjoy these talents you have.


See what you are good at. Knowing how to identify your strengths will help you enhance your self-esteem.


So, whenever you find yourself caught in a moment of doubt or shame, you will see inner strength come quickly to your rescue.


Always act in your best interests. For example, you may be someone who prefers individual conversations and enjoys spending time outdoors.


All those moments of intimacy that you spend, alone or in a company, could make you more aware of your feelings and make you someone who knows better how to listen to others. These are skills that are difficult to cultivate as a powerful voice in a large social group.


Understand your shyness


Do you see as a person with many things to offer, even though you are not a fan? Doing this will allow you to have more realistic expectations for things that will happen when you open up.


For example, you may notice that when you open up to others, you create deep connections with important people rather than filling your contacts directory with people you will hardly remember.


A warning about how to label yourself: be sure not to be part of this lot. Many people claim to be shy and use it as an excuse not to face the difficulties of opening up to others.


Consider shyness as a different way of building relationships that has some challenges to overcome, rather than seeing it as a limitation.


What you need to understand is that most of the things that make you think you’re shy (including loving loneliness, being exhausted by banal group conversations, still having nothing to say) are part of realities experienced by the majority of people, whether shy or not


Skip errors


Avoid wasting time analyzing awkward or uncomfortable situations and chilling yourself all the time because you are responsible for what happens to you.


Know that the world does not observe you. In addition, most people are very concerned about themselves. So instead of seeing them as you do, try to be aware of your inner thoughts.


With your mind of understanding, identify the factors that intimidate you, search them deep inside you and become the true observer of your thoughts.


Self-pity is a factor that can make you feel guilty rather than take responsibility for what is happening to you.


Be comforted by the fact that no one was able to notice your mistakes in relation to a comment you made recently.


Since you were the only one who was aware of these mistakes, treat yourself as you would treat any other person known to be shy. Smile affectionately for making this commendable effort. Persevere and try again.


Put the rejection in perspective


Remember that rejection is part of life and remains a phenomenon that allows us to learn to better understand the difference between ourselves and others.


Suppose you are at a meeting and someone you talk to sneaks away, leaving you alone. Instead of making accusations, try to admit that this scenario does not fit any of you.


Change your perception to learn from what happened. It is possible that this friend acts in this way because it crosses a difficult day and when he saw a close one able to help him cross the door, he left you for him.


So, you must understand that meeting our own social needs can (and should) surpass social norms. There is no experience that is purely negative, as long as you learn from it to move forward.


Make the effort to congratulate yourself on your own efforts even if your situation has not had the desired results.


Examine the procedure you adopted to nurture the conversation and make it acceptable. Consider your progress if you realize that you probably would not have had the courage to accomplish this feat a month earlier and be proud of it! After all, we have the ability to change our personality and our attitudes.


Certain situations happen to us and are necessarily related to the innumerable aspects of life that go beyond our understanding.


Renounce perfectionism


Very often, having unrealistic expectations destroys our ability to see the good things we do.


Ask yourself, Do I believe in my heart that I will be able to speak to people and love everyone?


It is normal that one is not motivated to open to everybody. Make sure that your mission to open yourself to others does not prevent you from recognizing those in whom you can or can not trust.


The idea of perfectionism can also occur when trying to give an image to others. Take the pressure off and know that you must not (cannot) control the way others see you.


This will mean that in a social situation, your duty will be to observe others and to act best when you have the opportunity.


This is easier to work than the one in which you waste all your time controlling all the acts you do by letting yourself be obsessed by what others think of you.


Make use of positive thoughts


The words are very powerful and are anchored in our mind.


Try to replace your negative thoughts and criticisms with a spirit of encouragement. When a thought such as I’m too shy to speak to people comes to mind, remember that you have the ability to interact with anyone and remain unique in your genre.


Re-educate your mind to arouse in you nothing but positive thoughts and not doubts. This will also allow you to become aware of your success as you spot evidence of your potential and contributions.


Start keeping a journal


As a result, it will not be easy for you to open until you find nothing to say and a great way to recover your voice is to note everything that happens to you.


Whether you choose to write about an event that happened or about a story you learned in the newspaper, you’ll be more comfortable building your own opinions and finding answers to facts in your life.


In doing so, you get used to your mind and intellectual ability to think about almost every circumstance. In addition, if you need to raise a new topic, you can mention the notes you had taken (which presume something) by telling people the other time I thought about ____


Exchange in intimate settings

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Give yourself the opportunity to share


Low self-esteem, as well as concerns about what others think of you, can make your thought unthinkable sharing.


Remember that even if you are concerned about yourself or are tired of thinking about your life, know that people around you experience the opposite. As a shy person, those you care about may want to know you better.


In trying to liberate this inner world from yourself, you will also open up to other perspectives.


If your self-image is downright negative, chances are that by opening to people you trust, you will discover your positive parts that you did not see yourself.


Admit your shyness


When you want to open up to friends, family members or a romantic partner, do not be afraid to confess your identity.


By lowering your guard to express your real feelings, it may make the other want to know you better.


Most importantly, the other person will not feel embarrassed either because they are afraid or because of a failure to open up to you.


Start with a statement such as I would like you to know that I am a little shy about discussing this topic, so please kindly accept me. This declaration expresses the desire to be accepted and not an excuse.


Remember that you do not need to apologize every time you make progress to externalize yourself. Excuses will only trigger doubt and passivity.


Know that you do not confess your shyness to indicate that you are thirsty for sympathy and pampered.


The goal here is to make others understand why you are so distant and worried. Having support and patience from others should ultimately help you take the risk of more effort as you learn to open up more comfortably


Share from the bottom of your heart


Start by understanding that if you manage to gain the attention of your interlocutor during an intimate discussion, it is because a priori, he hoped to learn a lot from you.

Have the ability, to be honest without forgetting that there is nothing good or bad to express your feelings.


If you have the impression that you are judging or fearing being judged, ask yourself this question. Who can judge me here? Being open to others implies the way you avoid self-criticism.


You always have something to share from the bottom of your heart. Do you feel empty, lost, or do you feel a gap in you? These are essentially intimate things that you have to share with someone. You can even pour out a torrent of feelings or memories that support this real problem.


You can start by saying You know, it’s funny every time I have to talk to someone about me, I can not find anything to say. I wonder what it is to never finish.


Interact in social situations

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Prepare yourselves


Do not stress yourself somewhere without having a clue what you will say. Be informed of current events, the club or the newest restaurant that has opened in the area or any other information that might make things better.


Having at least five or six things to support will give you the flexibility to bring ideas that are relevant to the situation you are experiencing at that time.


Aside from general discussion topics, make the effort to bring other powerful ideas that are relevant to what this group of people is discussing. If you are going to a party where a jazz band is playing, try to deal only with musical subjects.


Start slowly


You do not have to go to intimidating events or gatherings. Also, try to set a certain flexible time limit. Even if you should stay a long time, know that you have set a time limit of about two hours.


Getting there a bit earlier will make you safer, as it will allow you to adapt to the atmosphere.


Sometimes, the panic that one feels when one comes to a place or in an already crowded place would suffice for one to revert to one’s old habits of doubt


Start the discussions


Review some of your recent experiences and be sure to say only relevant things once you speak up.


You may have recently been on a police chase or chatting. If you wanted to talk about it, start with a simple comment that could lead someone to say How do you get along with this beer? or I remember having heard this song before, but I do not know where!


It is always best to comment on your immediate environment. When you discuss your observations about your neighborhood or the group you are with or the meal that is served, you invite your interlocutor to become your metacommentary.


This will put you both on the same wavelength to find and share quirks and interests of your living environments.


Talk about as much gossip and interesting detail as possible. This will help you not to keep the conversation flat.


If someone asked you How are you? avoid giving him a simple answer like Well. Make the effort to say something like that I’m fine buddy, especially with the day I spent yesterday!


As you share your observations, opinions, and experiences, make an effort to avoid excusing yourself or justifying yourself. Phrases such as It may be me who have … and Sorry, but I must say that … testify a lack of confidence and fear.


Use confident body language.


There are certain physical actions that will indicate that you are engaged in the conversation with each other.


The eye contact, the hand movements and the nod of the head reassure your interlocutor that you are attentive and want to continue the conversation.


In the midst of a discussion, it’s easier to forget that part of the process of opening oneself is really listening.


When you are more focused on the current subject, it will be easier for you to naturally give answers and avoid being caught off guard. Chances are that your shyness prevents you from speaking as much as others, but compensate for this by listening.


Ask open questions


These are questions that require an answer that goes beyond a yes or no. When you ask such questions once after you have grasped the essential point of the discussion, you will show others that you are really interested in the subject.


For example, if someone tells you they have been stuck in the traffic jam, do not ask them how long it took them to get home.


On the contrary, try to ask him How did you manage the boredom of this long journey? or When you returned home, what made you happiest? Instead of giving you a short answer such as It has lasted a long time, it will instead give you an answer that will gently lead to other topics.


Bring others to feel comfortable


The best way to achieve this is to proceed with an emphatic and interpersonal connection while smiling.


When you maintain eye contact with a smile, it indicates that you are friendly and open to discussions and also demonstrates your willingness to interact.


This works well with both friends and strangers with whom you find it difficult to share a mutual smile. It’s like giving a pat on the back!


Remember that you are all there to interact. If you feel that you are too much ahead of time or imposing on the other, remember that your friends are obviously relieved and happy to get your attention.


Hold on


Turn the scary situation into an opportunity for introspection and personal development.


Become the observer and dig in yourself and find the answer to these questions. Why do I have this feeling? What causes this feeling in me? Can there be a possible explanation for what happens to me?


Suppose you are thirty minutes away from starting a party and you already feel worried. Do not hesitate to use the bathroom or any other private place closest to you to examine and find some quick methods to calm you down.